The Light is Back 

Be with me Lord when I am in trouble and need

From my last post, you can guess that I was having a hard time, probably the hardest spiritual time of my life. I decided last night that I had had enough.  I renounced God and said that I was done with Him. How can I follow a God that has no sympathy for what I am going through?

I was done

Resolved to a life with no God, I went to bed and actually slept pretty soundly for once. Then, this morning, when I woke up, one thought kept running through my mind 

“Be with me Lord when I am in trouble and need”

Ugh! My plans for a godless life were over. 

I couldn’t get that phrase out of my mind so I did what seemed like the impossible – I said it out loud and prayed it.  Then I said it again and again. Was I actually praying?

My ways were not His ways, my plans for  my life are not His plans for my life. 

After I prayed that one phrase, it was like a light came on and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. And that weight was lifted – lifted for me by God. 

Now, I am not saying that I am “cured” of my dryness. My present difficulties have not relented. They are still ever present and I am still struggling on many levels to deal with them. But maybe this glimmer of light will illuminate my darkened path and lead me to accept whatever happens as God’s will for my life. 

To my family and friends and to my priest, thank you for your love and encouragement and for not giving up on me when I had given up on myself. How could I question a God who put all of you in my path?  

And thank you God for not giving up on me although I gave up on you.  You never questioned me but gave me all the answers.

It has been a period of severe ups and downs and I am trying not to get too over-enthusiastic about this. So, Lord be with me as I am still in trouble and need. 


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