Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
As some of you know and by reading my posts, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes about 10 months ago. After the initial shock wore off, I was totally dedicated to taking care of myself. I stopped eating all sweets, candy, cakes and other foods that I absolutely loved. I drank lots of water and really watched my diet.
The result was that I lost 50 pounds and felt great about myself. My blood sugar levels were being controlled with diet and medication and I was determined not to let this beat me.
At the point where I was feeling great, one day it dawned on me – this diabetes is a lifelong thing now. This is not just a temporary illness; this is for the rest of my life.
My great feeling was gone.
I had periods of depression and self-doubt. How was I going to give up all those foods I loved for the rest of my life? How can I go out and eat at the diner and watch everyone around me order the foods I can’t have anymore while I nibble on salad and drink water?
I can’t live this way. I don’t want to live this way. I’d rather eat what I want and just be sick.
This Scripture passage speaks to me — at first, my spirit was willing and now my flesh is weak. I think because I didn’t have any of the classic diabetes symptoms before I was diagnosed, it was much harder to understand.
I have always been an emotional eater and now my emotions were all over the place. I find myself sneaking in sweets and then feeling guilty afterwards. I actually gained a whole 3 pounds back over the holiday period and I feel guilty about that when most people gain at least 10 pounds.
My spirit is unwilling and my flesh is weak.
What I need to do is not think about the long term situation but my daily life. Like God tells us, no one is guaranteed any day. We have to live each day as the gift it is. I have to lean on God and ask Him for His help to take care of the body and life He gave to me.
What has diabetes taught me? I have learned that I have been blessed enough to be able to get medical care, take medication to help my illness and buy the foods that I need to keep me healthy. I have been able to lose weight and feel good about myself. I have talked to others with diabetes who have encouraged me and given me lines of support.
But my spirit is still slightly unwilling and my flesh is still weak.
I am still struggling each day with the diabetes. I think about food all the time. I am extremely hard on myself and I need to change that. I need to just let go and let God. I need to just accept God’s Will in this for me and get back to trusting Him and allowing my spirit to become willing again.
I think my flesh will always be weak, but I hope The Spirit is willing to stick with me.