I have wanted for a while to go on another retreat and I have signed up for one in March. It is a women’s weekend retreat and I am looking forward to going, but honestly, I am a little nervous.
I have only been on 2 retreats before and they were both directed retreats. That means that they were silent retreats except for a daily meeting with a spiritual director. I really enjoyed those retreats once I got used to not talking for 2 1/2 days.
It was kind of strange walking through the retreat center and passing people in the hallway and saying nothing. I would go to lunch in the dining hall and there were tables with one person at each and eating in total silence. Most people brought a book or something else to read.
At first, I was really intimidated. I asked myself “What am I doing here?”. But those experiences were wonderful and I really felt the closest to God that I ever have. I was able to tell God all my inner most thoughts and the spiritual director’s insights were wonderful.
As I prepare to go on my latest journey, I am nervous about being with other women in a group setting. I am sure that many of these women are regular retreatants and already have formed friendships. I will certainly feel out of place at first but I am hoping to blend right in quickly and hopefully make some new friendships from it all.
I am also looking forward to meeting with a spiritual director as I have decided this year to really take a look at my spiritual life and my relationship with God. I so long for that feeling I had at my first retreat of truly feeling God’s presence. It was probably the only real time in my life that I felt that God was in my midst and truly knew that He cared for me.
I feel restless as I am examining my life and what my true reason for living is. What has God planned for me? Am I doing His will? Am I looking for answers when I already know what they are? Is my life as a mom, wife, and grandmom all that I am supposed to be doing? Does God have other plans for me not yet realized?
I hope in the peace and tranquility of the Jersey Shore during the off-season to find those answers and settle my restlessness. I hope to turn off the noise of my world and listen in the silence on my heart for one voice – His Voice.