The Year in Review – 2014

Well, this year went so fast like they all seem to do as you get older. Some years are better than others and 2014 was a most challenging year. I had to deal with several life changing events all in a 12 month span.

How did I do?

Well, to be perfectly honest, I did not do so well. In fact, I am still struggling with these issues going into 2015. I think that I am having such a hard time especially lately because I shut God out of the equation. I decided that He was not listening to me when I prayed for positive resolutions to all my problems.

But I should know by now that God is listening to me and that all lives have struggles and challenges. I can’t make God a genie who just makes it all go away. And eliminating God altogether from my life will do nothing but make things worse.

So, in 2015, I have a lot of work to do.

First, I have to get right with God. I have to get back to reading, writing, praying and accepting what God has put into my life whether it is positive or negative. I have started that process this week with really participating in the Mass which I have not been doing the last few weeks. Yes, I have been going to Mass but it has been horrible to the point of physical illness each time I entered the church.  I am not really “feeling” it right now, except for when we pray the Our Father. For some reason, it really gets me emotional to say those words.  I was able last Sunday to get through the Mass fine – I still am not absorbing the Scriptures at this point, but it’s a start.

Second, I have to work on myself. I have noticed in previous postings and in a journal that I keep that there is a recurring theme – I don’t know what my life is all about. I am constantly questioning what God’s purpose for my life is. Am I doing the right things? Could I be doing more? What is life really all about?  I know that everyone goes through this stage at some point and my time is now. I need to spend more time working on myself whether that means counseling, spiritual direction or maybe a retreat.  I am hoping that 2015 will be a year of self-discovery and a breakthrough year.

Lastly, I need to stop wallowing in self-pity and start looking at the people around me. Everyone has issues and struggles and this year, I have been acting like I am the only one suffering. Not true!  I know many people that have had tough years as well but I have been so self-absorbed in my own life and not a very good Christian to others. And these people who God has put into my life have been happy. They have been encouraging me. They have been praying for me. And I have been so needy. I wanted everyone to know how hard my life is and I have had no regard for their lives. Poor me!  I am so ashamed that I have been like this. I need to get back to caring for others and being that person who encourages and prays for others.

I have set high goals for 2015 and the only way I can come close to any of these goals is with God. I need to come back to Him. I need to find peace in my life and it’s only through Him. I need to make amends with Him.  I need to rediscover what I am about.

I make many mistakes each day but I am not a mistake.  God created me for a reason. Now I need to find out what that is.

To all my readers and friends who have been there for me this year, I can only say thank you.  I am truly blessed to have you all in my life and I am sincerely sorry that I didn’t appreciate you all like I should have. I can only say that I will make every effort to be there for all of you and to be a more positive and grateful person.

May you all have a happy and healthy 2015.

– Clare

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One thought on “The Year in Review – 2014

  1. “God created me for a reason.” – His primary reason is because of His level love for you. Also “to love Him, serve Him and live with Him forever in Heaven”. As Catholics we know that we can participate in Jesus’ redemptive mission by offering our suffering in union with His. Truly a great purpose for life!

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