Well, this year went so fast like they all seem to do as you get older. Some years are better than others and 2014 was a most challenging year. I had to deal with several life changing events all in a 12 month span.
How did I do?
Well, to be perfectly honest, I did not do so well. In fact, I am still struggling with these issues going into 2015. I think that I am having such a hard time especially lately because I shut God out of the equation. I decided that He was not listening to me when I prayed for positive resolutions to all my problems.
But I should know by now that God is listening to me and that all lives have struggles and challenges. I can’t make God a genie who just makes it all go away. And eliminating God altogether from my life will do nothing but make things worse.
So, in 2015, I have a lot of work to do.
First, I have to get right with God. I have to get back to reading, writing, praying and accepting what God has put into my life whether it is positive or negative. I have started that process this week with really participating in the Mass which I have not been doing the last few weeks. Yes, I have been going to Mass but it has been horrible to the point of physical illness each time I entered the church. I am not really “feeling” it right now, except for when we pray the Our Father. For some reason, it really gets me emotional to say those words. I was able last Sunday to get through the Mass fine – I still am not absorbing the Scriptures at this point, but it’s a start.
Second, I have to work on myself. I have noticed in previous postings and in a journal that I keep that there is a recurring theme – I don’t know what my life is all about. I am constantly questioning what God’s purpose for my life is. Am I doing the right things? Could I be doing more? What is life really all about? I know that everyone goes through this stage at some point and my time is now. I need to spend more time working on myself whether that means counseling, spiritual direction or maybe a retreat. I am hoping that 2015 will be a year of self-discovery and a breakthrough year.
Lastly, I need to stop wallowing in self-pity and start looking at the people around me. Everyone has issues and struggles and this year, I have been acting like I am the only one suffering. Not true! I know many people that have had tough years as well but I have been so self-absorbed in my own life and not a very good Christian to others. And these people who God has put into my life have been happy. They have been encouraging me. They have been praying for me. And I have been so needy. I wanted everyone to know how hard my life is and I have had no regard for their lives. Poor me! I am so ashamed that I have been like this. I need to get back to caring for others and being that person who encourages and prays for others.
I have set high goals for 2015 and the only way I can come close to any of these goals is with God. I need to come back to Him. I need to find peace in my life and it’s only through Him. I need to make amends with Him. I need to rediscover what I am about.
I make many mistakes each day but I am not a mistake. God created me for a reason. Now I need to find out what that is.
To all my readers and friends who have been there for me this year, I can only say thank you. I am truly blessed to have you all in my life and I am sincerely sorry that I didn’t appreciate you all like I should have. I can only say that I will make every effort to be there for all of you and to be a more positive and grateful person.
May you all have a happy and healthy 2015.