How long will you forget me, Lord? Forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long will I be left to my own wits, agony filling my heart? Daily?
How long will my enemy keep defeating me? Look at me! Answer me, Lord my God! Restore sight to my eyes! But I have trusted in your faithful love. My heart will rejoice in your salvation. Yes, I will sing to the Lord because he has been good to me.
I have had a really hard time lately with many things but mainly with my prayer life and my doubts about God. I feel despair and hopelessness and I have basically cut off God. I am totally in the wrong here – it is me who is cutting off my relationship with God, not the other way around.
It has me very upset and angry at God and myself. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why.
I guess there is a glimmer of hope because I reached out to my priest, Fr. Mohan for advice and counsel. Fr. Mohan is an amazing priest that is so holy and such a gift to our parish and to me. So, even though I am feeling alienated from God, He must be looking out for me since people like Fr. Mohan take the time to listen to me and help me.
Father suggested I read this psalm. When I read the first 2 lines, I literally had tears in my eyes. This is exactly how I feel! Why has God forgotten me?
As I told Father, I feel like the first few lines of this psalm and I am stuck in that feeling. I can’t seem to get to the last part of this psalm which talks about my heart rejoicing and singing to the Lord. Father told me to think about times in my life when God has blessed me and he mentioned this blog. I never really thought about the fact that each time I write and the reason I even started this blog was because I felt called to write about something I read or saw or heard. Fr. Mohan was so right!
I am questioning how I know that I have a personal relationship with God – how do I know? I have never felt that connection. But maybe in ways, I actually have. I just haven’t realized it until today.
So, I will read this psalm and think about what Fr. Mohan told me. God is present in my life. God is here for me even if I am rejecting Him. God wants a personal relationship with me. I need to stop resisting Him and realize that it is all about Him.
Thank you God for sending Fr. Mohan and so many others to help me through this period. Hey, I think I just made a step forward – I thanked God!