God’s timing is perfect
Every Labor Day , I think back to Labor Day Weekend 20 years ago. My family and I were camping and enjoying the time off. I was about 6 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child and all was right with the world.
Then it started.
I began not to feel so well. To tell the truth, ever since I got the word that I was pregnant, I didn’t feel very well. There was something different this time. Maybe I was going to have a girl after having 2 boys. Yeah, that was it.
Anyway, I started spotting which is a big indicator that something is wrong.
We rushed back home and I called my doctor. He calmly listened to me and then just as calmly said” It sounds like you are having a miscarriage”. A miscarriage? I had 2 healthy sons – how could I be having a miscarriage?
The next few hours were a blur. The doctor explained to me that I was actually going to go into labor and deliver this “thing” – I didn’t know what to call it. A baby not formed? A bunch of cells and matter?
I went through the labor and it hurt every much as the labors that produced my sons. And it also hurt just a bit more because we knew that there was going to be no baby. No new life. No son or daughter.
Of course we were upset and we had to make those phone calls to friends and loved ones to tell them the news. It was a hard time and I was quite honestly shocked by it all. Why did God do this to us?
Time passed and we were content with just the 4 of us – and then, I got the news that I was again pregnant. My first reaction- shock! My second reaction – what if? What if I have another miscarriage? I don’t think I could go through that again.
But, the pregnancy went fine. And at the end of that labor, on Easter Sunday morning, my daughter Erin was born. God knew exactly what He was doing. My daughter is an amazing person and everything I could want in a daughter. God’s timing was right as always.
Lately, I have been having a real crisis in faith. I have had one thing after another after another of life shattering stressful events. I have been doubting my faith a lot and have been avoiding my relationship with God. But after talking with a friend of mine, I realized that God’s timing is always perfect. It is not my timing but His that matters just like with my miscarriage.
I am still struggling and still doubting. I am still avoiding prayer and God. But I will go to Mass tomorrow because I know I have to. God is still waiting for me even if I have chosen not to wait for Him. I need to work this all out.
Maybe reliving that miscarriage has started me on that path.
So, for anyone reading this, please pray for me. Please ask God to stay patient with me until I figure this all out. I would greatly appreciate any prayers that come my way. If I can work through my trials, I can work toward repairing my relationship with God.